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ADDICTION

I was just a little girl trying to roll around with what life brings due to my inferiority complex, but the outcome was an ADDICT... I was living my life to please people, so I tend to flow with whatever that comes my way.

I was influenced by my church member .It all started on a Sunday afternoon after the service outside the church, she came to meet me and she said “ TEMI ,come and see something on my phone ” and me, as a girl who has always been waiting for people to talk to me ,I was glad and looked at the phone to see what she was about to show and I was shocked at what my eyes met and I screamed then she covered my mouth asking why was I screaming?.,it's just for fun,nothing is there and she drew me closer and we started watching it but within me I knew it was bad but I just want to satisfy her, not thinking about myself.
I kept on meditating on what I saw, I grew into it and I became a PORN ADDICT. Sometimes,she would come to my house, we would watch porn together and also send some to me. My grades in school keep reducing but I wasn't concerned instead I kept on discovering Internet pornography to watch from even though I knew it was bad but I don't no how to leave it because I was addicted to it.
Along the way, I came to realize the church member wasn't planning to be just a friend but wanted us to be lesbian partners that was her reason for launching me into it... She took advantage of me not been able to express myself ,so I had to cut my relationship with her and I thought that was the end to pornography.

Then after school, I met a lady, she loves to read novels -ROMANCE NOVELS. We stayed together for like a year and gradually I was introduced into it, it was not a problem I thought because I love reading books .After reading one of the novels she gave me ,I began to sought refuge in it, I would read every chance I got, I enjoyed the fantasy.Then curiosity led me to more hardcore, sexual readings and I became an addict to it. It affected me psychologically because I started expecting my future partner to be the ideal Prince Charming.
Romance novel usually have good looking, male protagonists,super-rich with a too good to be love story, it became difficult to escape this fiction world and come back to reality. I started day dreaming, drooling over the perfect love story and if a love story does not end in the way it should have, I secretly wished I could strangle the author,I became a big fan of romance novels always craving for more which also stimulated me to watch porn, so I found myself going back to pornography.It wasn't only Pornography then, it was also mixed up with Romance novels -Dangerous books.

How do I overcome this?.....The question that keeps coming to my heart... And then, I asked myself...
what have I gained?,
what have I  achieved?
Yes, I knew all this are bad,I don't want to be an addict to pornography and romance novels they are life distraction,i want to go back to those time without ADDICTION... then I made a decision myself because I had no one to confide in, I had always been on my own and I told myself I must duly avoid them even though,it was not as easy as I thought but a gradual process.
The hardest part was forgiving myself....Yes, letting go of the self blame, realizing that my addiction wasn't who I was.Even with a renewed will to stop, it was a challenge but I told myself “RECOVERY IS A JOURNEY ” but I am well on my way there and with prayers to back up, I came out of it.

*YOUR ADDICTION IS NOT WHO YOU ARE,MAKE A DECISION TO BREAK UP WITH IT* and one of the ways to curb it is not to edify ,don't dwell on it, don't talk about it......... *JUST IGNORE*.*

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Comments

Damxta said…
God bless the writer and the write-up, this is really nice,more of this life transforming write-ups.For as many still having related issues and has gone through the Write-up,pray that God minister unto them to know what's right.Amen
10 September 2018 at 15:51
Light lamp said…
Amen
God bless you too
19 October 2018 at 04:11
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