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Showing posts from December, 2022

DEAR READER

Some of you have list of things you ought to do before the end of the year, but you couldn't. And as you are entering into the year of 2023, you need to ask yourself this question, Are you ready?  Are you ready to take a step into the vision God has given you?  Are you ready to be intentional in every aspect? Are you ready to move from that stage you are to where God wants you?  Are you ready to launch that idea God has given you?  Are you ready to leave that relationship that has always lead you to sexual immorality? Are you ready to leave that adulterous attitude?  Are you ready to start reading those books?  Are you ready to take chances in your academic career?  Are you ready to take God's will and die to your will?  Are you ready to stop comparing yourself and family to others?  Are you ready to leave that bittered and depressed zone?   Are you ready to adhere to corrections?  Are you ready to add values to yourself? Are you re...

MY STUGGLE

*PRISONER* Why do I feel like no one understands? Why should I feel like someone should understand? I know it's not God's master plan? Because, I am a prisoner of my thoughts  Am I supposed to feel so alone? How do I get off this mentality? Do I just let it be? I am incarcerated by my own thoughts There's no escaping the darkness  There's nowhere to run or hide,  I see the happiness glowing, but it is always short lived. What more does life want from me? I've given all I can give. No one told me it would be this hard just to live. I started with a zealous heart but now, I feel trapped in my own thoughts, I really want to continue but, My zeal is dead... This is not how I used to be? How did I become this? I really want more for myself but, I keep thinking I might not be able to end it well I have belittled myself with my thoughts... Dear Sisters, It's normal to have negative thoughts flowing in your mind It's normal to get carried away but, it all becomes ab...

MY STRUGGLE

*WHAT DO YOU SEE?* People only see what I allow them to see Outside me, lives a girl with a smile that will brighten up the room, yet inside hides a girl with a frown full of despair. To them, my eyes of joy bring them to ease, yet inside hides a girl shedding tears of sadness. A beautiful laugh that's contagious, yet inside hides a girl screaming her lungs out in unwanted anger. Outside lives a girl with the personality everyone envies, yet inside hides a girl full of insecurities and shame. They see a girl who is fearless and tough, yet inside hides a weak girl who lives in fear. A girl full of pain, wanting to die. I am the girl with a perfect image, But within hides a girl with regrets and mistakes. A girl of innocence, yet inside hides a girl with tremendous guilt. People envy me because I am a girl with goals and aspirations, yet inside lives a girl lost in confusion on how to fulfil her goals. What you see on the outside is my personal disguise. What hides underneath, you ca...

MY STRUGGLE

*WHAT MORE CAN I DO?* I am going through a dark phase of my life I feel far away from God and his people Sometimes, I act like everything is fine And mostly, like I understand but, I remember all His promises to me but, None has come to pass How am I supposed to trust Him, When He feel so far away? He gave me so many promises, And none of them have come true. I am still knocking on the door And asking and seeking for Him  I thought it was His desire To fill me with living water, I am thirsting for You, my Father. It has been a whole year, Lord, And I still cannot hear Your Word. I have this terrible growing fear That I might have been forgotten  God, my faith is so low and, My spirit is completely dry. I don't know how all this fits in, And I don't understand the reason why. I hate feeling separated from You And this frustration in my heart. I do not know what to do Or where to even start. Is all my seeking in vain? Am I too confused to find You? The only thing I find is pain ...

MY STRUGGLE

*MY FEARS* Being left behind, Not being loved With no one to understand and care I had a dream but, I was lost Yet, no one tried to  Find me No one listened Or understood I feel left out, Feeling like no one understands Feeling like no one  Seems to care about me No one, can hear me When I'm screaming  Yet, I want to be heard Sometimes, I wish i could change things Wishing I could make it better I wish for another chance Wishing for someone who  Will come and save me From myself. My fear's Not being heard Being left behind Not being understood No one caring How can I disappear and make people understand. Disappear from this world Show people what It's like to worry,  misunderstand and not being cared for. Yet, I have deepest fears, People laugh People tease me, People misjudge me People misunderstand  me. Behind my back, they laugh, and it hurts, so I can't see them. It hurts. Now, I have learnt to hide  My pain In my heart, No matter what and making s...

MY STRUGGLE

*THE REAL ME* Why do you stand around and watch me cry? Don't you see me? I'm in so much pain, don't you see? Nobody knows me; I feel so alone. They don't see what talents I've shown. Why doesn't anyone truly understand? I just want to be part of something. Nobody cares that I always cry. It makes me feel like I want to die. I just ask one question of you. Why do you do the things that you do? I just want to make people smile, To stop the pain and sadness for a while. Nobody sees the things that I do... Nobody knows the real me I guess, I will have to stay forever hidden. Everyone says the real me is weird. It's like the true me has been shattered  Why do I feel the way that I feel? Because of those who make my nightmares real. My friends and family don't know at all Right now I just want to be alone. Dear Sisters, Always remember nobody can stop you, you can only stop yourself by allowing the words of others get into your mind. You don't need to hid...

MY STRUGGLE

*WHAT ABOUT ME?* My brother gets all the love And support he needs He has always been first In your mind and heart My Sister gets anything She wants even when she Doesn't deserve it at all Because she's the baby But what about me? I'm the one you can Count on to watch them when You go somewhere I'm the one that is the Last person to know What's going on in the house and The last one you consider What If I want to go With you when you go  Why don't I get the same Kind of love and support That they get, aren't I important as they are? What about me? Don't I deserve the same Kind of love and support Am I not your daughter Don't I deserve the same As your other daughter Or your son Or aren't you my parents? If I try to tell you how I feel you get angry and Upset that I feel this way Why can't you understand? I can't understand why My feelings make you Angry and why I am the One that always gets left behind Have you ever thought, What about me...

MY STRUGGLE

*CAN I STILL GET BACK?* Once upon a time,  I used to be loved I used to be my parents pride but, A little mistake, Changed it all I felt lonely I needed help but there was nobody to care for It seems the whole universe has turned Their backs against me. Yes, I know I made a mistake I had a baby out of wedlock, To them, I brought shame and embarrassment but, It was just a mistake. Why is it taking too long to forgive and forget, Why do I have to get the blame alone, Now, I look like the bad child because, I had a baby, What if I had done abortion, Will I still look like their precious child? I know the DIGINITY of a woman is gone but, It was all a mistake I thought keeping the child will mean something But, I was wrong People look at me with Disappoint, Shame, Please how do I recover from this I am still the good child but, One mistake changed it all Dear Sisters, The question to ask yourself, When I recover, what will I do? When i recover, will i still be the same? Will i be strong...

MY STRUGGLE

*HOW DO YOU DO IT?* Tell me how do you do it? How do you stay happy even in the midst of it all? Tell me how to respect someone who doesn't deserve my respect. Tell me how to trust someone who betrayed me so badly. Tell me how to care for someone who never cared about me. Tell me how to speak nicely to someone who only spoke down to me with bad words. Tell me how to get along with someone who brought me nothing but endless tears. Tell me how to get close to someone who caused me so much pain. Tell me how to forgive someone who hurt me so severely. Tell me how to open my heart to someone who broke it to pieces too many times Tell me how to deal with pressure  From everything Teach me how to stay happy How do I so hopeful in This hopeless situation" Boriola said as she cried Dear sisters, Nobody can teach you how to stay happy or overcome hard situations.  They can only tell you how to deal with it and Not to affect your day to day activities. You can't fully depend on Men O...

MY STRUGGLE

*FOR YOU* It's Emma, I don't know if there's also anyone here Who feel Helpless Hopeless Lifeless Yes, I have been living around this circle. I thought my life will improve but,  Nothing has changed Everything still seems to be the same I can't find my bearing anymore The world has changed, Nobody seems to care You just have to bear it alone A lot of fake pretense A lot of people act like they care The truth is, I am alone Living Hopeless I am tired because, I am at a point where I can go for anything Dear Emma, This is for you all Who hide/living in the dark, For those who feel hopeless, For those with a broken heart. This is for every child  Who is trying to flee from their fears, For those who cry themselves to sleep, For those who drown in their tears. This is for people who hide their scars I want to remind each of you There is a reason you're alive. You are here for a purpose; You are needed  You are special, you are beautiful. It doesn't matter what size,...

MY STRUGGLE

*MYSELF* Standing in a crowd screaming, Screaming high but no one seems to hear, And if they do, they only hear a small piece, They don't feel the pain They don't see the hopelessness, How can't they see me? See me begging, Begging to be saved from myself. I am running, Running from the past,  Everyone always saying its just the past and that the past can no longer haunt me, But its destroying me, Bringing me down I keep feeling I am always worthless, No matter how hard I try the past will always be chained to me, I am a prisoner to my past. I hear a voice,  A voice telling me to get over it, That its not that bad. How would they know what I have been though? How could they understand what its like? What its like to be abandoned,  What its like to not be wanted,  How do they know what its like to be forgotten?  Forgotten by someone dear to me  Then they say that I'm better off, Better off without them How can I be better off when I'm the one carrying his sh...