Skip to main content

MY STRUGGLE


*MYSELF*

Standing in a crowd screaming,
Screaming high but no one seems to hear,
And if they do, they only hear a small piece,
They don't feel the pain
They don't see the hopelessness,
How can't they see me?

See me begging,
Begging to be saved from myself.
I am running,
Running from the past, 
Everyone always saying its just the past and that the past can no longer haunt me,
But its destroying me,
Bringing me down
I keep feeling I am always worthless,
No matter how hard I try the past will always be chained to me,
I am a prisoner to my past.

I hear a voice, 
A voice telling me to get over it,
That its not that bad.
How would they know what I have been though?
How could they understand what its like?
What its like to be abandoned, 
What its like to not be wanted, 
How do they know what its like to be forgotten? 
Forgotten by someone dear to me 
Then they say that I'm better off,
Better off without them
How can I be better off when I'm the one carrying his shame?
 
They don't understand what it is like to wear a mask,
A mask that never comes off ,
While everyone around me is happy 
I am stuck behind a mask,
A mask built out of shame, 
Out of pain and out of exhaustion.
This mask that hides what I am really feeling,
This mask that with every hour of everyday it seems to grow heavier and heavier,
An emotional weight that no one understands
And no one will ever see beneath it,
No one knows how wrecked I really am inside,

No one will see the hatred that I have,
The hatred that I have for myself 
The hatred that I have for my past 
No will save me, 
How can someone save me when they cannot see me? 
I need to be saved,
Saved from myself
Because I cannot fight this battle any longer,
The weight is too heavy, 
And it only ever grows.
The hatred that I feel towards myself, 
It only grows 
Day after day I seem to hate myself more and more, 
When will someone come and save me?
Save me from myself.

Dear Sisters,
This is a new month and new week. 
Decide to drop everything that will seems to weigh you down
You need to constantly tell yourself
You are not alone,
So don't fight the battle alone
Don't deal with it alone
God is with you
Talk to Him,
Let him help you with your burden,
Grief,
Hatred ,etc
I know you are strong but,
You still need Him

Happy New Month

*Alokan Temilade Victoria*
*Light Lamp*
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

DON'T BE FRUSTRATED

Many at times, you don't look like what you are going through  Because you have tried the mastery skills of hiding and managing situations and have gotten used to it  Many at times, you wonder why people who has done the worst things ever, still get more favour than you doing the right thing  Many at times, Guys has played you even the believers and you kept wondering if the fault is from you because you are not just getting it right in relationships  Sometimes, you always try to understand the situation but the truth is, you are tired of it and most time you find it hard to let go and forget the situation. Sometimes, you just want to follow the crowd but you realize in between that you got lost and can't just proceed with the plan.. I know things can be difficult  I know many people or various things are frustrating  I know it's not easy living in circles with no progression I know you have plans but it just doesn't go the right way  So dear sisters, ...
Post a Comment
Read more

THE JOURNEY

Last 2 year, I started a journey on my health and I'm grateful. Even though I wasn't consistent especially after the coaching session but I had to strive to ensure the journey continues even though I fall, I still get myself back  Imagine being a lover of heels and you can't wear it for too long Having to sweat profusely, Having knee ache pains, Sewing new dresses because you can't wear your favorite dress Imagine lot's more because of weight gain, That was me.. Before you go further and think it's only food that cause weight gain.  Mine wasn't, I could say it was stay at home, free hands and no stress kind of reason (I don't know how best to put it) I know I'm not a slim person but I was already weighing 110kg. Lolz, 2 bags of cement. Then I told myself Temilade, it has to change  I found the solution DIET, It was at the point where I realized I couldn't be myself and also seeing changes, I decided to take my health serious  I subscribed to a di...
Post a Comment
Read more

A DAILY REMINDER

I know you are going through all shades of different phase, I know you are thinking of what next, I know the hardship is tough and you feel your strength is failing but, This is a reminder To relax, To not get angry over small things, To stay calm. A daily reminder To be yourself, To not care what people think, To know you can be anything. To love yourself, To not hurt yourself, To not work yourself up. This is a daily reminder That you are beautiful, That you can be hardworking  That you are amazing, That you will succeed. To always have hope, To have faith, To know everything will be okay. A daily reminder That you have made it so far already, That you haven't given up, And you are going to be amazing. Don't give up. Keep holding on and believing.  It's a start of a new year and it's too early to feel pressured or insecure God cannot fail you, Be persist in that Job hunt Be persist in trusting God  Be expectant, don't loose guard  Everything will fall in place...
Post a Comment
Read more